Sunday, April 22, 2007
Short Narrative
So I just figured an idea would come to me for this assignment. At first I was feeling poor for some reason, and out of luck...so I thought of doing a story of a peasent framed for murder after a string of bad luck. Then I played some soccer and thought of doing a story of a 3rd World citizen gaining riches through soccer. Neither of these stories seemed very creative or interesting. For some odd reason I thought of that scene in Kill Bill when Uma Thurman wakes up in a hospital bed and slices that rapist's achilles tenden. I think this is how I'm going to start my story, with a character waking up and coming to his senses...and then go from there. I want a kind of mysterious tone, something to make the story at least interesting. We'll see where it takes me and what kind of plot develops.
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I read your story, and thanks to our little "workshop" handout, I have some feedback for you soooo.. I think your characters are really well established, especially the narrator. even though you don't really give any history on the narrator other than what happened in the accident, he still seems like a complex character. The attacker is a little confusing, you don't really go into too much detail about them. It would be good if you specified more of what the threat notes said. Both characters are really believable though, and I really like your plot. I'm assuming that the story is meant to be tense/scary, and you nailed that completely. It's really well written. I like that you never sidetrack from the plot, and you keep the tension of the story alive throughout the whole piece. You use a lot of good metaphors/descriptive language, so even though the plot is somewhat simple, it doesn't seem like it because of the language. It's a good balance. I like that you used the quote in the threat note, it makes it a little more ominous. Your conclusion doesn't really end anything in the story, and it keeps the reader guessing about what happens next, which is always a plus in a story like this, i think. The title is really only explained in one short tid-bit in the story, so my only advice would be either to rethink the title, or to just tie it to the story more. You wrote a really good story, I liked it a lot.
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